It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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