HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
