he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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