Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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