Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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