I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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