Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
MIDGETS
????
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
