She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
