Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize