god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
