Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
