I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
