i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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