i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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