I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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