Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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