He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
