omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
