You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
