If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
