I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
