what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
