Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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