you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
