You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
