the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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