We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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