I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
