i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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