the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
