Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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