so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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