It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
