Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize