I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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