if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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