I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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