this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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