You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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