he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
