Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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