I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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