hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize