drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize