Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
