I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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