Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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