Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
