Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
