my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
