Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
