I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
