To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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