She's JV to your varsity
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
