You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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