you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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