I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
