I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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