I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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