6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
