my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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