true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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