The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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