and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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