He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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